Mental Illness

I remember when Ben, Evie and I were on our way home from visiting my dad in hospital when he was very poorly, not long before he passed away, and I experienced my first panic attack. I can honestly say that I thought I was having a heart attack. It was so bad that I made Ben take me to hospital (we just so happened to be passing one!) as I was adamant that I was going to die. This was my first experience of one, and definitely not my last.

I’m going to own up to something now, I never really thought it was a ‘thing’ before I had one. I’m ashamed to say that I was one of those people who used to wonder why people couldn’t just ‘get on with it!’

So, what does a panic attack feel like? Not everyone’s experiences are the same but I can share what they have felt like for me:

Tight chest – the feeling that you can’t breathe, you can’t get a full lung of air.

Dizziness – standing/sitting/driving

Racing heart and continuous palpitations

Sweating

Numbness in limbs

Out of body experience – like I’m not connected to it

Feeling faint – like I’m going to pass out

The worst feeling of all, and the one that I always had even if I didn’t feel any/all of the above – that I was going to die, that I was going to leave Evie and Theodore without any parents – that I was not going to see them grow up!

Some last a few minutes, some last a lot longer! I’ve had one last for about 6 hours and that was after I met with the funeral director for the first time. I remember many of them, I’ve had lots on the playground whilst waiting for the children to come out of school and numerous whilst driving (especially at night). Sometimes I have woken up in the night and had one for no reason at all! Sometimes they are triggered, sometimes I can be doing the happiest things.

It’s easy to roll your eyes at someone who says they have mental illness struggles if you haven’t suffered yourself. But if you find that you or someone else is struggling, here are a few things that have worked for me and may work for you/them…

Passing an object from one hand to the other at chest level.

Senses – looking around and focussing on something you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste (if there’s something edible/drinkable of course!)

Distraction – watching something funny – even a few TikTok videos can reduce the symptoms

Acknowledging it – try telling yourself that this is happening and it WILL pass

Call someone – I always call my sister as my first port of call as she just knows what to say

Downing a glass of cold water – doesn’t always help but gives you something to focus on!

Walk, outside, even if it’s raining!

People who’ve never suffered a panic attack, or struggled with anxiety, may not be able to understand what it feels like or why we can’t just get on with it.

What I can happily say though is that my panic attacks are so much less frequent now, a lot due to the therapy I’ve had and knowing the signs that one is coming. I’ve not had a bad one for well over a year and I now find that the symptoms are a lot less intense as I use coping mechanisms which work for me.

I am by no means cured, in fact the last week or so has been a real struggle for me. It may be because of the time of year, that November, December and January are when I lost 3 special people. It may be the relentless rain and the nights drawing in. It may even be hormones! All I know is that I need to be a bit more open with the people closest to me as I’m so good at just shutting down and pushing people away, I think it’s because I just don’t want to bother people with my stuff when there’s been so much already! It was actually a conversation on the playground today that spurred me on to write this. I started by telling a friend that I was fine then actually stopped myself and told him the truth. His response was ‘it’s ok not to be ok!’ He didn’t try to fix me but it changed our conversation and we both had a mini therapy session right there and then!

So, how can I help you?

Many of us are unaware that anxiety is often a grief symptom. So, if you are an anxious person already, unresolved grief may amplify that. Also, many people who’ve been through the Edu-Therapy programme have commented that they hadn’t experienced anxiety prior to a loss. So, if you find you are struggling with anxiety it may be due to the fact that it can all be interlinked. While everyone is different, and I can make no guarantees as to what will change for you, I can say that many people who complete the programme report a noticeable decrease in their anxiety.

If you would like to find out more, please get in touch to arrange a free, 15 minute no obligation call.